By International Maggott Theatre, available on cd, just email us at hobogoblin@hobogoblins.com to arrange.

Cast o Characters:
Cap’n Wormfurr – Captain of the pyrate pixie ship (played by Mehan)
The Dromedan Prince – Cap’n Wormfurr’s lost lover, a camel man(played by mcpuke)
Misc Pixies – crew of the pyrate pixie ship
Satan – none other (played by Steve Brady)
Baphomet and the Pink Rider – ½ snake, ½ goat, ½ man, and its pink knight sidekick (played by Spud)
The Fly of Death – eville demonic fly(played by mcpuke)
Alan the cosmic messiah – he travells the multiverse peddling his magic

Scene 1: Lament
(On the pirate pixie ship, it is daytime at pyrate’s cove)

Chorus:
Welcome ladies and worms,
To International Maggott Theatre
We present for your delighting squirm
A poppet show o’ fetid feter:
Cap’n wormfurr and the Dromedan prince!
Though fit for ages all,
Word & meaning we shall not mince.
This epic tale of GAY love
Transcends the 7 seas
We begin our tale in pyrate’s cove
With the lonesome – ahem – Cap’n Wormfurr, please
(enter Wormfurr)
Of course, he was soon to be known as WormFOOD…
But then again, won’t we all be, someday…?

WF: Woe, Woe, Woe is me! How I miss my lover true,
Wherever did he ride off to, on his carnivorous ape steed?
Woe is me! Pass the mead my useless drunken pixie lackeys!
Now is the time to drown my sorrow
in the drink of nyphs and sparrows!
Woe is me! How I miss my lover true!
(drop picture)
So noble when mounting his carnivorous ape steed, AnGolthrax!
Where did he ride off to?

(enter Satan)
Satan: HAHAHA! Little did you suspect wormfurr, but I, Satan,
am the one who led your lover astray.
Like many another, the price of sin’s been paid!
I lured him to the city with promises of lurid love,
cash money, and fabulous prizes un-dreamed of!!!

WF: Satan! Why would you do such a thing?

Satan: HAHAHAHAHAHA! O, nothing personal, wormfurr!
I’m actually looking to string some bigger souls on my line
Casting out into the deep water, where the ancient ones stir…
Fishing for souls by the yellow sign…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[song: Hook, Line, and Sinker]

WF: So if your so busy looking for bigger souls to fry,
Where did you leave my Dromedan?

Satan: When one is tempted to my side,
The blame cannot on me lie
I left him when he hit the bottom
Of a bottle of Uisge Vaha!

WF: Uisge Vaha?

Chorus: Commonly known as Whiskey!
(exeunt Devil)

Scene 2: Action!
(Now it is dusk)
WF: Damn the Devil! Avast ye spiritus nymphae! Up & at ‘em!
I said get to work! Ah, what’s the use… they’re too drunk and lazy!
Looks like I need to recruit some more crew members!

O Magic Lamp, O baubble bright!
Play your tune and then alight!
Bring me crew o spiritus cast
To make my ship go fast!
O magic lamp, O baubble bright!
Play yer tune, and then alight!
Find me, hear, a spirit of air –
To fill our sails, taut and fair!

(enter Baphomet and the Pink Rider)
BPH: Hear, Pink Rider! What is that beautiful music?
It entrances us thus to that glittering vessel!
Hail, fellow worm creature! I am Baphomet & this is the pink rider!
He’s the tall, pink, silent type, you know!
Why have you summoned us here?

WF: I beseech thee, spirit, to aid in my quest!
To rescue my lover from satan’s lair
To save the camel prince, so fair.

Bph: Ah, now I see the end to which you summoned me!
For the cause of true love –
And this dromedan you speak of – I have seen him.

WF: You have seen him? Does he lie in the alley and booze reek of?

Bph: Aye, he was, but now imprisoned – for those of foreign ethnicity
Caught with no ID. Of authenticity
Are considered “agents of a foreign power”
He’s now another victim of the prison industrial system
I hear they locked him up in the tower…

WF: Baphomet! Pink Rider! Cast your spell and send us to Satan’s Lair!

Bph: Homine Homine Homine Homine!!!
FIRE BURN!!!
(The drum of the green flame is beaten, string instruments go mad)
Homine Homine Homine Homine!!!
AIR RISE!!!
(the troupe blows on the audience, flute plays like madness)
Homine Homine Homine Homine!!!
WATER FLOW!!!
(the troupe spits on the ground, accordion and saw arpeggio up & down)
Homine Homine Homine Homine!!!
Away we GOOOOOOO! WOO HOO HOOO!

All: Yowza!

WF: I swear you’ll not be locked up for long, my love!
We piratas are proud & free! Born to Rove the Sea!
[song: the Sea Rover]

Scene 3: Tear Down the Walls!
(it is night)

WF: Finally, we’re within sight of Satan’s lair!
But that mighty tower! Its strength is too much to bear!
What can we do against such fortifications?!

Bph: Cap’n! To me it is quite clear!
We must add to our ranks
If we are to free your dear Dromedan Prince!
But look, out there! Perhaps we can allies find
In the midst of this audience so kind …
But how to test their mettle?

WF: I know what to do! We’ll see if any of you arr pyrates true
By singing this drunken pyrates hymn!
Keep an eye out for those that sing along, matey!!!
And also keep an eye out for those who have an eye out, heh heh…
[song: A Drunken Pyrate’s Hymn]

ALL: ARR! Arr, arr, arr…

WF: Now ARRM those pyrates with an ARRsenal that will bring down that prison tower!
Yes, On the count of three – 1 - 2 - 3 FIRE!
[song: Flight ov the Jackalope]

WF: Finally! We’ve broken through! Free all the prisoners and bring me my beloved prince!

Bph: Aye, Aye, Cap’n!
(exeunt)
(infernal Buzzing Commences)

WF: Wh-what is that?
(enter Fly ov Death)

Fly: Bzzzzz… Wormfurrzzz! I should have known it was you stirring up the feces around here!
Bzzz…

WF: Oh no! The Fly ov Death!

Fly: O Yeszzz, it izz me onczzz againzzz! You szzee I uzzzed to be in charge of the kitchen
Here at Guantanamo Bay! Before you Wrekked it and put me bzzz out of a job!

WF: Shoo! Your infernal poop breath is horrible! Shoe fly shoe!

Fly: Bzz! I’m getting out of here! But just you wait and see what happened to your beloved during his
Stay here! Bzzzzzz! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Bzzz!
(exeunt)

(enter the Dromedan Prince – but he is one of the undead)
WF: My love, what has happened to you?!

DP: What has happened to ME? What has happened to you? You reek with the stench ov the living!
Oo, disgusting. Get away!

WF: (crying) and after I traveled over 7 seas to rescue you!
My love, you’ve entered the ranks of the undead –
a maggotty crown upon yr head!

DP: That’s very nice of you, wormfurr,
But I’m afraid that as long as life flows through you,
Our love won’t continue
You see, these days…
[song: I Want a Mouldering Corpse!]
So, you see, I’m afraid its over now between us…

WF: Oi! What a woild! Boo hooo hoo hoo…

(enter Alan the Cosmic Messiah; triumphant music)
Al: Hi, I’m Allan the Cosmic Messiah! Bringing solutions to your metaphysical quagmires
From sol to Alpha Centauri! What seems to be the problem here?

DP: Well, Allan, my old lover wants to get back together with me, but I just can’t stand his stench –
That of the living – what’s a boy to do?

Al: Well, if you can’t beat em, join em, I say! Say Wormfurr, have I got a deal for you!
For just $79.98 I will ressurect you from the dead as a Lacedon – a water zombie! Then you
Can live with your beloved dromedan prince forever in the eternal embrace of the undead!
If you’re not satisfied with your new form, I’ll give you your money back!

WF: (sob) You really think it’ll work? (Allan nods) Well, I guess I’ve always wondered what was
At the end of that plank… Goodbye pixie crew, goodbye Baphomet and the Pink Rider, Goodbye
All you pirates that helped us defeat the prison industrial system! I guess this is the end of
Cap’n Wormfurr… (leaps off the plank)
[song: the Hearse Song]

AL: Well, he should be drowned by now! Time for the incantations!
ABGEBLEBAX! HOCUS PORPUS! ALA PEANUT BUTTER SANDWHICHES!
(double recorder music; exeunt Allan)

WF: Oh! Erg… brains…

DP: Well, look what the tide dragged in … Wormfurr, you’ve changed!
O, how beautiful your maggott Encrusted eyes are to me!
Such HUNGRY eyes! How shiny the black corpsulence matted in your furr!

WF: Muh!

DP: You look good enough to eat!

WF: eh… gob… yeh, being undead ain’t so bad after all… yeh want to go below decks and check
Out the store room?

DP: Sure thing!

Chorus:
And that boat rocked all night long!
(puppets go below decks)
[song: Cum to ME!]

WF: Oh, my love, that was so sweet! Now what shall we do with out eternity together?

DP: Well, we’re not going to spend it rotting in some tomb!
Let us keep adventuring on the high seas – and I do mean high!

WF: Arrghh, right as rain! Lets turn this backwerds werld upsideways down!
Let’s go to the graveyard and tell them zombies what’s who around here!
[song: Rise Up Fighting!]
(exeunt; fin)